The Haze of Memories
by Alethia II
Summary: She's a puzzle he needs to solve. Because she is just impossible and...she reminds him of someone, someone he had met so long ago but he can't really place it. He needs a disraction from his brooding thoughts despite his stubborn insistence of otherwise. At least that is what he tells himself in the beginning.
1. Introduction

Introduction

"Doctor? Doctor who?"

It seemed almost all the people that sparked his interest in them always asked this particular question. Well, everyone he ever met always asked that question but there was something about the manner in which the question was asked that sparked his interest. Like Clara Oswald, the Victorian barmaid cum governess of rather average beauty for a human woman, her slightly oval face framed by chocolate brown hair and adorned by warm brown eyes.

She could do more than bartending, he realized within minutes of meeting her. From her chasing after him to her resourcefulness, the Doctor realized he was dealing with extremely observant and intelligent human being. She did not shy away from danger or approach it with great apprehension; and she grabbed his hand, leading the way. That was always him. He was the one leading. But not with Clara the governess.

And she was currently dying. It was absurd. Dying on Christmas Eve. How can you die on Christmas Eve? Clara apparently could die because she fell off the cloud due to his oversight and not thinking properly about the danger of ice governess coming up to a suspended, condensed cloud his TARDIS was set upon. It were her dying words that semi confirmed his suspicion that somehow she was the same woman he met not so long ago in the Dalek Asylum.

After all, the odds for two women born centuries apart to utter the same phrase 'Run, you clever boy…and remember me' right before their metaphorical light went out was next to zero. And just like that, he was on again; the very heavy dark cloud of loss, emptiness and bitterness with the universe was pushed aside by tantalizing, irresistible puzzle. Ready to take on the universe and everything thrown his way. Because of Clara. Because she was the impossible girl…woman and he needed to solve the mystery behind her. Something much bigger was involved with Clara Oswin Oswald and he was going to find out what it was. Starting immediately.

* * *

AN: Yes, after almost two years I believe my writing mojo is back. Sort of anyway. And yes, I ship Clara and the Doctor, deal with it. I believe seeing the latest episode nudged me to write again, that last scene of the Doctor and Clara with the phone call was beautiful. First one is short but I promise others will be longer. Criticism is welcomed and flames are laughed at.


	2. Chapter 1

_Chapter 1: There is no body, not when you are a time traveller_

Unlike his other companions, Doctor had learnt to read Clara easily enough. Most of the time anyways. Maybe it was because she allowed it or maybe because she was so good with mixing honesty and flirtations that at some points made him feel awkward; sometimes even insulted. But that is what he liked about her. Hiding things from her was a real challenge, especially when she would use her 'nanny voice' and 'stern adult look' as he dubbed it and he found out early on that despite his enigmatic behaviour, Clara was the first of his companions that had managed to read him so well that she knew what he wanted before he did. It was a gift he both welcomed and dreaded because he never knew which of his secret's she'd dig out next.

Grand Marshal Skaldak was one of the most feared warriors of his time and finest one Mars has ever produced. Honourable to the bone and very dangerous under drive of vengeance and despair, Clara managed to appeal to the deeply hidden mercy through his dead daughter. It was unbelievable and were he not present he would have laughed at the sheer absurd improbability of a mere young human woman reasoning with an ice warrior.

Emma Grayling had told him not a month ago that Clara was just a perfectly ordinary girl that was very pretty and clever; and apparently very good at disguising her fear. Emma asked if that isn't enough for him, confused with his persistent, almost paranoid wish for Clara to be more than just that. Perhaps he was letting his old mind run way too freely with conspiracies. He would find out what the repeat appearances of practically the same woman throughout history meant along the way.

But right now he was worried because she was worried and she kept on rambling about some dream time travelling conference she had with Vastra, Jenny, Strax and oddly enough River. He was quite certain that River never mentioned Clara before when she was…well alive. And River was now for all intents and purposes dead. It still brought on fresh pain but Doctor discovered that strangely enough Clara managed to lift a great deal of pain and despair ever since she sauntered into his life.

And her existing and dying throughout the timeline made her far more interesting to him than River's constant spoilers. Don't get him wrong, he loved his late wife but Clara kept on eliciting even stronger set of emotions he swore to bury away. For starters, she was slightly older than his usual type as Sarah Jane pointed out couple of months ago when they met by accident.

It made him happy to see Sarah Jane and Clara get along but then again the brown haired woman had a likeable character that allowed her to get along with pretty much everyone. The children from whatever species and whatever time and place seemed to like her by default; as if she had genetic trait of child care in her being. This was both advantage and disadvantage.

She even got proposed by an emperor two weeks ago. That was a surprise. But what was even greater surprise was Clara's gentle rejection with clarification that she was already taken; her heart claimed by someone else. A serious strong spark of jealousy crackled inside his chest as he listened to the conversation. He dearly wanted to know who the mystery man that won his Impossible Girl was. But that had to wait.

Because now she had told him that the Great Intelligence has summoned him to Trenzalore. Clara was worried and almost spilt the tea since she kept stealing glances at him. He looked like he was in the meltdown process and as if her words were dealing him physical pain.

"The Doctor has a secret he will take to the grave. It is discover…" Clara trailed off when she finally stopped in front of him and realized that he was crying.

Actually crying and he looked close to devastated.

"Doctor."

"Sorry." He whispered, trying in vain to regain his control, making her react on instinct and kneel down, setting her hands on his face.

"And it was Trenzalore? It was definitely Trenzalore?" He asked shakily.

"Yes."

"Damn."

She wiped away his tears and got up the moment she noticed shift in his mood. It was strange how acutely aware of his shifts she had become. But right now she was just worried because he rushed out of her house like a mad man, forcing her to follow quickly. Worry, fear, sadness…There was a mix of emotions running through her veins as she tried to grasp on everything he was telling her. She had a feeling something was likely to happen soon enough that would change them both forever.

"You just said it was one place you must never go."

Her confusion was delectable little thing, especially because she was not the type to be easily confused no matter how hard he tried.

"I have to save Vastra and Strax. And Jenny too if possible. They, they cared for me during the dark times. Never questioned me, never judged me, they were just kind. I owe them. I have a duty." He softly rambled, making cautious eye contact with Clara only to notice a warm, understanding look in her eyes and kind small smile on her lips. "No point in telling this is too dangerous?"

"None at all." She shot out firmly, making him smile. "How can we save them?"

"Apparently by breaking into my own tomb." The Doctor replied and sent TARDIS into a very bumpy, struggling ride because apparently she did not like the choice of destination.

"So we're not there?"

"We must be close."

He bounced away and opened the door; both being met with a very depressing sight of scorched planet below them, some parts of it seemed to be alight with everlasting fire.

"Okay so that's where I end up."

Were her adrenaline levels lower, she might have slapped him for the semi defeated tone in his voice.

"Always thought I'd retire, take watercolours or beekeeping or something."

They shared a concerned look before looking down again.

"Apparently not."

"So how do we get down there? Jump?"

"Don't be silly." He frowned a bit, completely missing her sarcasm. "We fall."

She didn't like the sound of that but here she was, holding on for dear life as TARDIS plummeted down on the planet with turned off anti-gravs.

"You okay?" She asked worried as she peaked outside at the very dark and gloomy place. "You're visiting your own grave. Anyone would be scared."

"It's more than that. I'm a time traveller. I've probably time-travelled more than anyone else."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning my grave is potentially the most dangerous place in the universe. Shall we?" He asked as he stared ahead and offered his hand which she immediately took; noting somewhat tight squeeze he gave her meaning he was more scared than he let on.

"Gravestones are a big basic?"

"It's a battlefield graveyard. My final battle."

"Why are some of them bigger?"

"They're soldiers. The bigger the gravestone, the higher the rank." He explained as they climbed a small hill and looked up to the higher one where a familiar shape of gravestone was recognisable, its size as if defying everyone and everything.

"It's a hell of a monument."

"It's the TARDIS."

"I can see that." Clara stated.

"No. When a TARDIS is dying, sometimes the dimension dams start breaking down. They used to call it a size leak."

It was a miniscule frown, one he missed seeing on her face but at that moment she had the briefest of flashes in her mind where she was for some reason saying the same thing to a child. It made her feel as if this god awful place could mess with one's head.

"All the bigger on the inside starts leaking to the outside. It grows. When I say that's the TARDIS, I don't mean it looks like the TARDIS, I mean it actually is the TARDIS. My TARDIS from the future. What else would they bury me in?" He said the last one with deep frustration before walking away.

Having an IQ high above the average meant you picked up on complicated stuff very, very fast. It took Clara approximately 15.4 seconds to connect all the clues universe had laid out during her time with the Doctor and realize what her role was in this dark event on the godforsaken planet Trenzalore. It made sense, why he kept meeting her over and over again. She was born to save him. And save him she will because she came to love him fiercely even though that was the only rule she set for herself when she agreed to be his companion. Don't fall in love with the Doctor. Fat lot of good it was.

Though flirtation, hugs and kisses on the cheek and forehead were not discussed; Clara early on deduced it was not how he usually interacted with his companions. This either made her very special or him interested. And she wanted most definitely to put her money on the latter one. He begged her not to do it even when she was within an inch of getting into his time stream.

"Spare me a thought now and then, handsome." She spoke with shaky but still confident tone.

"Clara. No."

"In fact, you know what?" Her chocolate brown hair did a simple swirl as she looked over her shoulder where he lay on the floor in pain. "Run. Run you clever boy. And remember me." Clara added and jumped into his time stream, chasing to undo the damage the Great Intelligence did.

It was worth it. He was worth it. She didn't know where she was but she knew she was running. She was born to save the Doctor. Again and again and again. She was born, lived and died thousands of times. All because she loved him.

Suddenly her falling ended and she hit the ground of unknown place; and for the first time she was properly scared. Not frightened but full out scared. Because there was no Doctor to save her despite her cries for help.

"Clara."

Her head snapped up and she frantically looked around.

"You can hear me. I know you can."

"I can't see you."

"I'm everywhere; you're inside my time stream. Everything around you is me."

As if to prove his point, several of his regenerations walked past her as she got up, but her wonder was cut short by his pained scream.

"What's wrong? What's happening?"

"I'm inside my own time stream. It's collapsing in on itself."

"Well get out then!" She shouted angrily, frustrated with his stubbornness.

"Not until I got you."

"I don't even know where I am."

"You're my impossible girl. I am sending you something."

Looking up, she saw a maple leaf flying downwards to her hands.

"This is you Clara. Everything you were or will be. Take it. You blew into this world on that leaf. Hold tight and it will take you home."

He kept on calling her name as she stumbled across middle of nowhere.

"How is this possible?"

"Because it's impossible and you're my impossible girl. How many times have you saved me Clara? Just this once, just for the hell of it, let me save you. You have to trust me Clara." He begged with his arms open, waiting for her to stumble back to him. "I'm real, just one more step."

With that, she collapsed into a tired hug wrought with flood of emotions. Despite the appearance of his forgotten regeneration, his secret, the only thing Doctor had in mind is to get now unconscious Clara out of the time stream. Exchanging one last word with himself, he swept his companion up in his arms and got out of the stream where Vastra, Jenny and Strax were waiting for him.

The Doctor granted them all his usual smile and led the way back to the TARDIS, anxious to leave this place once and for all. He had to return his friends to their proper timeline and put Clara in bed so she could rest. She deserved it. And now that he has said his final goodbye to River, he could close that chapter and begin a new one. And he wanted Clara to be a part of it if she let him. He'll just have to wait and see.

The TARDIS had been unusually quiet and accommodating ever since the Doctor brought Clara back in two nights ago after he got her out of his time stream on Trenzalore. Perhaps his old girl finally realized that not only Clara was here to stay for quite foreseeable future but that she is very important to him. Perhaps she had known something likes this would have happened all along and was trying to semi prepare Clara for the experience by taunting and challenging her, constantly deleting her bedroom. Though he did not dwell much about the problem of their confrontation, he wouldn't put it past the Old Girl to do something like that.

He wanted them to get along, he saw both of them equally important; his oldest companion and the mystery that turned to become far more. He loved Clara, though he was not brave enough to admit it out loud and in front of her but he fell in love with her though he wasn't sure if it was slow or fast. It depended on the point of view. Though he was quite certain she snatched his hearts from the first time he met her face to face, or rather one of her echoes. They were all so similar to the original Clara from 2013; identical in physical aspects and almost identical in mindsets.

He was currently tinkering beneath the console on the lower level, having dropped off Vastra, Jenny and Strax in their Victorian time after assuring them all Clara really needed was good dosage of sleep which was true. Most of it anyway. He had no idea what state she will be in once she woke up. Jumping into a time stream, of a Time Lord no less, did not go without consequences.

The Doctor was broken out of his musings when he heard light heeled footsteps above his head, indicating his companion was looking for him. He took off his goggles and made his way up but did not speak upon seeing Clara's beautiful face marred with confusion and some tint of pain.

"Clara?" He called out quietly, hoping to catch her attention.

"Not so loud." She cringed at the sound of his voice but what completely surprised him that the usual wheezing of the time rotor disappeared in an instant and TARDIS all together became very quiet.

Obeying her wish, the Doctor approached her carefully and set his hands on her face, partly to simply enjoy the warmth she was again radiating with and partly to ascertain the damage to her mind done by the excursion in his time tunnel. He found it to be very chaotic and explosive but for some reason it was holding. Then at the very dark corner of her mind, buried very deeply, he recognized the pattern of a Time Lord mindsignature and realized this was her very first echo that came into existence.

Echo that was hell bent on tidying up the place by employing one of the basic compartmentalising tricks Time Lords used when putting away the entire personalities and past after going through a regeneration. It was horribly demanding work but it granted a stable mind as a result so he quickly retreated from Clara's mind, leaving her echo to work alone.

Though he was anxious to help her, he knew he could inflict more damage than already existing one; especially because of the unique nature of Clara's problem. She split herself into million versions and though she might not remember all of them at once; she still would remember far more than he ever could. It was a troubling notion for him but considering the fact she was still alive and not screaming in pain told him that she would be fine in time.

"Do you want me to take you home?" He whispered gently.

It was the last thing he wanted right now, he wanted to look after her but he would respect her wishes first, especially after what she had done for him.

"'m tired. Can't we just hover in the vortex or something? Angie and Artie will be insufferably curios where I went."

It brought out a small smile on his face but he immediately sobered up and nodded.

"Of course, as long as you like."

"Thanks. I'm going back to my room; need to sleep this off."

"Right."

He watched her slowly walk away, fatigue evident in her heavy slow steps.

"I'm sorry."

She stopped at the top and looked over her shoulder confused.

"What for?"

"For all the times I couldn't save you and didn't notice you."

"Oh Chin-boy. It was my decision; I think I am old enough for that. MY decision. There is nothing to be sorry for."

"But…"

"No buts…You're a good man, Doctor. And someone needs to save you. Even from yourself." Clara smiled kindly and disappeared.

Yes, he was most definitely and without question, irreversibly in love with that impossible girl. Just when he thought he had her figured out, she would surprise him again. And that is what drew him in and made him stay even for a fraction of his time.

* * *

AN: Yes, yes...I crunched up the second part of series 7 in one chapter but honestly, aside from Rings of Akhaten, Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS and The Name of the Doctor; I wasn't overly impressed with it. So I'll be putting my own adventures between TNOD, DOTD and TTOTD. Since they reached Trenzalore for the first time, I think I'll throw in few adventures of other regenerations and how Clara's echoes save his life. Shame to skip that.


End file.
